Well, I'm at school and it fucking sucks..
Renee and Sarah had a fight yesterday cause Sarah has stuck a pin through her wrist, so therefore cutting herself.
And last night Renee did it to herself..
Which totally set me off, so I'm no longer clean.
Everything is falling apart, ever so slowly.
I can't deal with it, it's doing my head in that I can't control what's going on in my life anymore.
I can't even help my closest friends and like, wow, this sucks.
The feeling that I get day in and day out, it's fucking with my head and I don't want it to anymore.
Nate had a relaspe with his cancer so Aiden doesn't think he has weeks left anymore.. and oh my god, that's killing me the slowest..
Allen is depressed as all fuck.. Well, today was the only day he hasn't been completely down in the dumps since that shit happened with him and Nyss.. I just don't know how to help him anymore, whatever love I give him, it just doesn't seem to be enough anymore and.. and I can't stand that because I do love him and I need him to be okay..
Nate on the other hand.. Nate is my fucking life and losing him this fucking slowly is really, really killing me because without him, I will relaspe into the drinking, the drugs and the cutting.. I know I will because he is the one who pulled me out of it all and without him, I know, and I mean, I honestly know that I will fail without him because he is my reason for living and he's the only good thing in my life when everything is falling apart because I know he's always there.. well, atleast for the time being..
Ugh.. I don't want to think about what's going to happen when I lose him, but for some reason, it's all I can think about.. Losing the one I love more than anything in this world, more than music, more than life itself.. He's my fucking everything..

Ehh... I was just on the phone to Allen, and I was crying.. so now I have a headache and my eyes are near blood shot..

I'll blog later.

Tegan Tragic,
xx